We often think of “symptoms” as negative experiences, anxiety tightening our chest, sadness pulling us inward, shame burning behind our ribs. These feelings, though uncomfortable, are signals. They tell us something about what’s happening inside us and how we’re relating to the world.
But here’s something we talk about far less: positive feelings can also be symptoms. They can be just as telling, just as layered, and just as important to examine.
It might sound counterintuitive. After all, it's understandable to chase good feelings and avoid bad ones. We celebrate happiness, excitement, relief, and pride as signs that things are going well. But sometimes, that “good” feeling isn’t necessarily aligned with our well-being, sometimes, it’s a sign that we’ve stepped into an old pattern, seeking safety or validation in ways that may not ultimately serve us.
All That Glitters is Not Gold
Consider the example of people-pleasing. For many of us, saying “yes” when we mean “no” gives us an initial surge of relief. We feel good because we’ve avoided conflict, made someone happy, or upheld an image of ourselves as agreeable, helpful, or kind.
That momentary warm glow can be powerful. We might feel proud, generous, even loved. But beneath that glow, another truth may be quietly unfolding. Maybe we’ve ignored our own limits. Maybe we’re outsourcing our self-worth to someone else’s approval. Maybe we’re walking down a familiar path that once kept us safe but now keeps us stuck.
That initial good feeling isn’t wrong, it’s information. It’s our nervous system saying, “This is familiar. This is how we survive.” Recognising this can help us understand ourselves more deeply, rather than simply assuming good feelings mean something is “right.”
As the old saying goes: “All that glitters isn’t gold.” What feels shiny, comfortable, or affirming in the moment may not reflect the deeper truth of what we need.
The Subtle Trap of “Positive” Reinforcement
Positive emotions are not the enemy here. Joy, connection, satisfaction, and excitement are part of a rich human experience. But when those emotions are tied to patterns like overgiving, overachieving, or self-erasure, they can reinforce cycles that quietly drain us over time.
Think of how good it can feel to be praised for overworking, to be thanked for always being the “reliable one,” to be admired for your strength even when you’re exhausted. Those moments can feel like fuel, they keep us moving forward. But they can also be a trap, a loop that keeps us distant from rest, authenticity, and our own needs.
Sometimes, the “positive” sensations in our body, the rush of being liked, the ease of avoiding confrontation, the pride in being indispensable, aren’t signs of well-being at all. They’re signs of adaptation. And adaptation, while once necessary, isn’t always sustainable.
Feeling Good vs. Feeling True
Learning to discern the difference between feeling good and feeling true is a powerful act of self-awareness.
Feeling good might be the immediate comfort of saying yes when asked for a favor.
Feeling true might be the quiet steadiness of honoring your own capacity and saying no, even if it’s uncomfortable.
The first is often linked to external validation, the second to internal alignment. One gives us a quick hit of emotional sugar; the other nourishes us in the long run.
The Middle Way: Walking the Line Between Extremes
Buddhist philosophy offers a concept called the Middle Way, the path between two extremes. Originally, this referred to finding a balance between indulgence and self-denial, but it can be applied to emotional awareness as well. The Middle Way invites us to hold both joy and discomfort with equal wisdom, without clinging too tightly to either.
When we chase good feelings at all costs, we may end up in cycles of avoidance and superficial satisfaction. When we avoid discomfort entirely, we lose the chance to grow. But when we walk the middle path, we allow all feelings, positive and negative, to inform us, without letting them dictate us.
We might say:
“This good feeling is here, but it doesn’t automatically mean this choice is right for me.”
“This discomfort is here, but it doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong.”
The Middle Way doesn’t ask us to suppress joy or dwell in pain. It asks us to notice without attaching, to stay curious rather than reactive.
Listening More Closely to Ourselves
This shift in perspective doesn’t happen overnight. Most of us have been conditioned to equate good feelings with success and bad feelings with failure. But just like a headache can tell us something about stress or dehydration, a burst of excitement can tell us something about our habits, attachments, or unmet needs.
A few questions to gently explore when you feel a surge of positive emotion:
Where is this feeling coming from?
What need does it reflect or meet?
Is this a moment of alignment or a moment of old patterning?
How might I hold this feeling lightly, without letting it steer me entirely?
Real Gold: Depth, Not Glitter
True wellbeing often comes with a quieter kind of feeling, not always the euphoric highs we crave, but a grounded sense of alignment, presence, and contentment. It’s less glitter, more gold.
The initial shine of people pleasing, overachieving, or performing can feel rewarding, but it’s fleeting. Real gold is found in honouring your boundaries, living in integrity, and allowing both positive and negative emotions to speak their truths, without letting either define your worth.
In the end, all that glitters isn’t gold.
The Middle Way offers us a steadier kind of treasure, the ability to stay centered, to listen deeply, and to move through life with awareness rather than autopilot.
Good feelings can be symptoms, just like bad ones. And when we listen closely, both can lead us home to ourselves.
